if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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