Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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