I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
