around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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