Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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