So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
