??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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