i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
