I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
