i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
