who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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