Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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