I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
