i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
