the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
