he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
