tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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