he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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