Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
