Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
