Got a toothbrush?
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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