hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
