I'd wear matching sweaters with you
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
