And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
