i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
