In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
