The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
