Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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