I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
