Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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