My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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