mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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