You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
