Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
