Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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