i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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