I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I need moral support for this bender
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
