he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
