I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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