remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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