That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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