Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
