I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
