Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
