hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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