like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
