How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
