All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
