couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
