I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
