I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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