I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
