Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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