I will die if light touches me.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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