were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
